The Oscars Through the Eyes of a Non Movie Watcher

Here goes nothing. An Oscars commentary by someone who realized last night that they apparently never go to or rent movies. I thought I wouldn't get many of the jokes or references since I'd seen virtually none of the nominated films and the only "celebrities" I follow are the Bachelor/Bachelorette contestants but I was sucked into the show from the start. Since I watched the whole 3+ hours and can't actually comment on the movies that I never saw I decided to  make my own categories and list my own winners.

Best Host - Ellen. I know that there's only one host but can someone explain to me why she doesn't host every single awards show? I hope I don't ever have to watch LL Cool J host another award show and try to make people laugh. It should be Ellen DeGeneres every.single.time.

Best Entrance - Jennifer Lawrence. Another year, another fall, a few (millions) more fans.

Best Acceptance Speech - Tie between Jared Leto and Lupita Nyong'o. Leto giving a shout out to his mom & brother in a more meaningful way than the traditional 'I'd like to thank my family' way; showing he's aware of life outside the spotlight recognizing Ukraine & Venezuela. I was on the edge of my seat waiting to hear more even as I was simultaneously waiting for the music hook to start playing & prompt his exit. Then Lupita recognizing her success at the hands of others' sadness and sharing a dream come true with viewers around the world. I had tears in my eyes and that's not something I openly admit often...because it doesn't happen often.

*I have to say I'd already decided it wouldn't get better than the above & then the two Frozen song writer people go and rhyme their whole speech and Matthew McConaughey told us about his future self being his own hero.

Best Dresses - There were so many enviable dresses and while I think it'd be easier to pick the dresses I did NOT like, I decided to show my top 4 below. Charlize Theron, Jennifer Lawrence, Lupita Nyong'o and Sandra Bullock all rocked timeless dresses. 


Best Call Out - Amy Adams did NOT go to college. Just in case anyone was wondering. 

Luckiest Guy at the Oscars - The pizza delivery guy. I don't care that there's no way any of those celebrities actually eat shitty delivery pizza or that the joke may have gone on a tad too long. I give him props for not peeing himself at the prospect of handing out pizza to the biggest names in show biz. 

Best Eyes I'd Like To Stare Into All Night Long - Chris Hemsworth. I won't even make him wear that burgundy colored blazer.

Most Intense - John Ridley leaving the stage after giving his acceptance speech. I just couldn't figure out what was going through his head as he clutched his Oscar and gave the camera the evil eye.

As a side and final note, it made me really happy to see so many people there with their non-celebrity loved ones. Lupita Nyong'o with her brother as her date. Jared Leto with his mother and brother. Steve McQueen's mom cheering from the last row in the section and Matthew McConaughey's mother glowing - literally - for her son. Made me happy to see.

Now I'm determined to watch all of the movies that were up for awards and by the time I finish watching all of these acclaimed movies I will probably be just in time to have missed seeing all of next year's nominated films. What did you think of the show?

10 Reasons Why I Could Never Be On The Bachelor

Watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette is my guilty pleasure every Monday night. I like to believe that it is possible for the contestants to find love on the show and while I don't think it is guaranteed to happen each time, it's entertaining to watch their journey...emphasis on their journey. Because as much as I like watching the girls and guys dress to impress and "open up" to win someone's heart, I could never be on the show myself. Here's why:

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[1.] I've heard that the camera adds 10 pounds so I can only imagine how many pounds a video camera adds. No way to do the photo shopping necessary for all of the bikini scenes with a TV episode and I'm not interested in starving myself for the months leading up to filming. 

[2.] I have a real job (whether I like it or not) so no "free spirit," "dog lover," or "former NBA dancer" professions for me. What does free spirit even mean? Why are the dog lover and her dog allowed to stay? What does the former dancer do now besides probably have a rich baby daddy?

[3.] I don't own nearly enough cocktail dresses to attend all of the rose ceremonies...assuming I'd make it past the first night...and I don't care to own that many.

[4.] I can't walk in heels and I probably never will be able to. Although, it might be entertaining to watch me stumble around the mansion for an episode or two I think I'd ultimately be a hazard.

[5.] I just can't talk about sex or "grown sexy" like Catherine did last night on the Bachelor Wedding without immediately blushing. My cheeks turn the color of my [red] hair...and stay that way for another half hour before I start to recover. 

[6.] I hate drama. And girls = drama. I'm way too passive aggressive to give in to a physical altercation or the show's desire for hair pulling and crying. 

[7.] I don't drink that much but I think I'd drink too much on the show. I can't handle large group situations and as a result, I think I'd end up being the shy girl quietly sipping wine in the corner who eventually gets wasted without realizing what happened. 

[8.] The whole sharing a guy thing and watching him be shared with your "friends" just doesn't sound all too appealing. Enough said.

[9.] Group dates. Talk about my idea of hell. So many people, so much drama, conflict and likely bikinis. I don't want to have to accidentally step on someone's toes in my high heels (it really would be an accident since I can't walk in them) to get 5 minutes to talk to the guy. I'll pass.

[10.] Then there's the whole me not actually being single factor...

That being said, I will still be tuned in tonight to watch Juan Pablo break a few more hearts and will be tweeting my commentary here.